broken angel,broken angel中文意思

导读： 我的名字是彼得。我出生在一个改革开放后飞速发展的国家，叫做中国。我父亲汉斯，

My name is Peter. I was born in a country of rapid development after Reform and Opening-up called China. My father Hans, among the first batch of undergraduates since the entrance examination of university had been resumed, was trained as an engineer and, having obtained the diploma, was assigned to a radio factory. With skills and diligence, he walked his way to the top not long after his career began. Shortly afterwards, my mother Linda, a beautiful, fashionable young lady lecturing Chinese in one of the Nanjing leading schools, was introduced to him. Being well matched intellectually and characteristically, they tied the knot to no one's surprise and thereafter I was born. For the reason that both of them had far outstripped their contemporaries and they didn't want their son to be a drag for them, I was trained and demanded as stringently as a special soldier at an early age. On the other hand, it was only when I had been grown up had I some comprehension that they had lofty ideals and aims and, having been handicapped by their times and political environments, they had no other choice but lower their expectations and come to terms with what they were then. With the support of such psychology, they always seek a kind of compensation on me for what they were unable to secure, and in this way I was positioned as a child prodigy.

我叫彼得，出生在改革开放后一个迅速发展的叫中国的国家，我爸爸汉斯作为恢复高考后的第一批大学生受到了作为一个工程师的专业训练，并在拿到文凭后被分到了一所无线电厂，由于出色的业务能力和勤奋好学，入职没多久他就平步青云。没过多久，我妈妈琳达，一位漂亮、时髦的南京某重点中学的语文老师就被介绍给了爸爸，因为在知识和性格方面十分般配，他们毫无悬念地喜结连理并在这之后我出生了，因为他俩都远超同龄人之上，并且不希望自己的孩子拖后腿，所以我从小就被要求和训练得跟个特种兵一样。从另一个角度来说，仅当我成年后才能理解他们拥有崇高的理想，却因为时代和政治环境的限制而不得不委曲求全、对他们在现实中的处境做出妥协，基于这种心理，他们总是想让自己争取不到的东西在我身上找到一种补偿，因此我被定位成一个神童。

Helen is a fatty woman who had three relations to my mother: the mistress next door to us, her colleague and a bosom friend of her. She was very generous and enthusiastic to us. As she had her child Mary one year earlier, my mother used to seek advice for foetus education and experience of child-rearing from her in her pregnant days. Every time when Helen was asked, she put aside what she was doing and took the trouble to answer her, and in this way the two family established a deep friendship. Helen had a faith that it is the fate that brought the two families together and to maintain it, both of us need to take care of the other side, with these values not only the two adults developed an intimate relationship, Mary and I did as well. Despite the fact that Linda and Helen had a lot in common with each other, their views diverged greatly on the issue how to bring up a child: to make me ahead of my peers at the starting line and fly higher in the distant future, Linda and Hans jammed my daily schedules with all kinds of curricula: piano course, art lesson, calligraphy learning and etc, while Helen let her child spent her first 10 years touring and binge-watching. To stimulate my initiative, my parents always instilled the idea of "no pains, no gains" into me and promised a bright future that by following them, I could stand at the top and look down at the mortal beings, while I'd rather be like Mary and had a happy and relaxed childhood. We bumped into each other at the entrance of the neighborhood more than once. Again, I saw Mary hand in hand with her mother, while I was sitting on the back of Hans' bicycle.

海伦是一个跟我妈妈有三层关系的胖女人：隔壁的女主人、她的同事也是她的闺蜜，海伦对我们十分热情大方，因为她比妈妈早一年怀上玛丽，所以妈妈怀孕的那阵子常去她那里请教胎教和育儿经，每当这时海伦放下手头的一切事情，不厌其烦地为妈妈做出解答，在这种情况下中两家结下了深厚的友谊。海伦相信是缘分把两家人聚在了一起，为了维持这种缘分，彼此都要善待对方，基于这种价值观不仅仅是两个大人、就连我和玛丽也建立了很亲密的关系，尽管琳达和海伦有很多相似之处，她们却在教育孩子上产生了严重的分歧：为了让我赢在起跑线上、在遥远的未来展翅高飞，琳达和汉斯用诸如钢琴课、美术班、书法学习之类的课程填满了我的日程安排，而海伦却让她的孩子在人生的头十年旅游和追剧，为了调动我的积极性，父母总是向我灌输“吃得苦中苦，方为人上人”的道理，并为我许诺只要照他们的话做就会有一个“站在世界顶端，俯视芸芸众生”的未来，可我却宁可像玛丽那样拥有一个轻松愉快的童年。不止一次我们在小区的入口撞见对方，这一次我看见玛丽牵着她妈妈的手，而我却坐在汉斯自行车的后座上。

“Good evening.” Sharp-eyed Hens saw them first and greeted with a smile on the face.

“Good evening, you two. You are on your way home. Where did you go, shopping in the supermarket?” Seeing there were two shopping bags in the basket, Helen conjectured.

“Where else can we come back from? Definitely the remedial class.” I answered helplessly. “When we passed by the supermarket, Hans entered and took out some cooked food for supper.”

“How about you? You are returning home from somewhere else as well!” Considering they were heading for the same direction as us, Hans asked.

“Mary had finished her homework this morning. As a reward, we had a day out in the amusement park.” Helen beamed and said, “my kid is not as diligent as yours. We let her play as long as she goes through her lessons.”

“You are advisable and I wish I have a mother like you,” I said admiringly, “my father pressed me with all sorts of remedial classes and I am sick to death of it! What a wonderful life eating, drinking and playing all day long!”

“Easy, easy, boy. I have a sympathy for your resistance, yet do you know your parents did all this out of love? You are too young to understand their intentions and aware how cruel the society is! Last week, our middle school dismissed 5 graduates, because the graduating classes led by them failed to meet the enrollment rate.” Helen put on a serious look and explained to me. “If my child is a boy, I'd be strict and severe to him like your father.”

“I'd rather give up the chance of higher education to have a happy life now!” I pouted.

“Okay, you will understand it sooner or later. Let's end the conversation here. I'm in a haste to cook dinner for my little princess, see you.” Helen made no reply and went straight home.

“晚上好啊。”眼尖的汉斯首先看到了她们两位并笑脸盈盈地跟她们打招呼。

“晚上好，你们两个，你这是回家吧，你们去哪儿了？去超市购物的吧？”看见车篓子里有两个购物袋，海伦猜测到。

“我们还能去哪儿？当然是去补习班了呗。”我无可奈何地答道。“我们路过超市的时候，汉斯进去带了一些做晚饭的熟食出来。”

“你们呢？你们也是从外面往家赶吧？”眼瞅着她们跟我们同向，汉斯问道。

“玛丽早晨写完了作业，我们奖励她让她在游乐园玩了一天。”海伦满脸堆笑地说，“我家孩子不如你们家的勤奋哎，只要她做完了功课我们就让她玩。”

“你是明智的，我也希望自己有像你这样的母亲，”我羡慕地说，“我爸爸总是逼着我上各种补习班，我都烦死了！整天吃吃喝喝玩玩，这样的生活多爽啊！”

“别激动，孩子，我理解你的抵触情绪，可你知道你父母这么做是出于爱你吗？你太小了还理解不了他们的用意和这个社会有多残酷！上周我们学校解聘了五个高材生，因为他们带的毕业班达不到升学率。”海伦一脸严肃地解释给我听，“如果我家的是个男孩，我也会像你爸爸那样对他要求严格。”

“我宁可放弃接受高等教育的机会并从现在开始快快乐乐地过！”我撅着嘴说。

“好吧，总有一天你会明白的，今天就谈到这里，我还赶着为我家的小公主烧晚饭，回头见。”海伦没有回答我，她径直朝家里走去。

With time, my attitude towards learning gradual changed from the beginning aversion and bewilderment to acceptance and adaptation. Although I had the feeling that it would be a plumb job to spend my time and energy playing video games when it should have been devoted to all kinds of classes at first, I soon gave up my thought and had a taste of the pleasure of learning. The interesting knowledge tutors taught not only fascinated me but acted as a key to open the scientific door into which I could unravel the mystery of nature. They always explained the strange phenomena in daily life to us, encourage hands-on practice and seeking books for answers and never once got us to do exams and ranked everyone according to his score. After a year, I learnt more than what I had learnt at school. Once when the New Year came, Hans brought me to my uncle's home. While adults gathered together for a chat, I had nothing to do but sat by my 3-year-older brother and talk with him. As he was a fan of cars, I explained the structure of a car to him; As he had a deep love for weapons, I interpreted the attributes and characteristics of the most common guns in war. The whole process lasted 2 hours and my aunt, having overheard my talk and felt there was a lot of sense in it, conveyed her amazement and asked Linda for advice "how did you train such a little boy to be so knowledgeable?" Linda just laughed and said, "he has a gift for it."

随着时间的推进，我对学习的态度由最初的反感和迷茫逐渐转变为接纳和适应，尽管我最初有一种如果把花在参加各种辅导班的时间和精力用在打游戏上那该多好啊的感觉，但我很快就放弃了最初的想法并品尝到学习的乐趣，老师教的那些有趣的知识不仅令我着迷，而且作为一把打开科学大门的钥匙让我从中领会到大自然的奥秘，老师总是向我们解释大自然神奇的现象，鼓励我们亲自动手、翻书找答案并从未一次给我们做卷子、用试卷上的成绩来排名次，一年下来我学到的比在学校里学到的还要多。一次过年，汉斯领我到舅舅家去玩，大人们聚在一起闲聊，我没事可做只有坐在大我三岁的哥哥身边跟他说话，鉴于他是一个汽车迷，我就为他讲解汽车的构造；鉴于他热爱武器，我就为他讲解战争中最常用的那些枪械的属性和特点，整个过程持续了两个小时，偶然听到我讲话并感觉言之有理的婶婶感到很惊奇并向琳达请教说：“你是怎么把这么小的孩子训练得如此博学的？”琳达只是笑笑说“他在这方面有天赋”。

In spite of the fact that I made sacrifices for study, I failed to live up to teachers' expectations. When I brought the failing test paper guiltily to Hans and looked into his eyes for answer why I got nothing in return for the effort I made, he, instead of castigating me for being so stupid, explained to me patiently that the previous classes, nominally remedial ones, he signed up for me was actually to arouse my interest in learning than to shape me into a qualified candidate for exams. Interest is the best teacher, and only with it could I go deep into the magic scientific world. In essence, learning is a way to understand the world and lead a better life, the aim of examination is no other than examining to what extent you mastered the knowledge. Taking examination as an aim is the major drawback of contemporary education. In his day, Hans had no option but to conform to the test-oriented environment, whereas born in such a relatively flexible times today, I could take advantage of the opportunity to place myself above the rigid education system. To achieve this, the education he gave me was completely different from the mainstream one and to foster a kind of independent thinking, which is the most deficient thing for Chinese students. Sometimes you can regard it as a pair of wings, with it one can soar high and without it he is like a broken angel and doomed to be ignored even if he has great learning. Having made sense of what he said, I gradually understood that learning has nothing to do with grades, and point is not the only yardstick to measure a student.

尽管我为学习做出了很大的牺牲，我却辜负了老师们的期望，当我愧疚地将不及格的试卷拿到汉斯跟前并试图从他眼中找出为什么付出却得不到回报的答案时，他不仅没有斥责我是个大笨蛋，反而耐心地向我解释他之前为我报的名义上的辅导班其实际目的是启发我对学习的兴趣，而不是将我塑造成一个合格的考生，兴趣是最好的老师，只有兴趣才能将我引入神奇的科学世界。从本质上说，学习是一种理解世界和过上更好生活的方式，考试的目的仅仅是检验你掌握知识的程度，将考试本身当作目的是当代教育的一大弊端。在他的那个年代，汉斯别无选择只能顺应考试的环境，但是在如今这个相对宽松的环境中，我可以把握好机会将自己凌驾在僵死的教育体制之上，为了达到这个目的，他给我的教育完全不同于主流的那种，其目的是为了培养我独立思考的能力，有时你可以把它想象成一双翅膀，有了它你就可以展翅高飞，没有这双翅膀即便你满腹经纶也逃不过被埋没的命运。听完了他的解释后，我渐渐明白学习跟分数一毛钱关系都没有，分数不是衡量一个学生的唯一标准。

In kindergarten days, there had been not a few boys came to my home with their toys to play with me and girls with their snacks to share with me. Nevertheless, I became an "abandoned child" since we had risen into primary school and had been divided into different "classes" according to our grades. Still, Mary was an exception, she never kept me at a distance for my poor performance at school. It is a mystery to her why I had been unable to improve my grades, since I was either heading for the remedial class or hurrying back from it whenever she run into me.

“You must have played under par this time. Adjust yourself and make a comeback in the next round! I have faith in you!” Mary led me to Starbucks, bought me a cup of coffee and encouraged me like this.

“Does point really matter?” Having been imbued with the idea that "point is the lifeblood of every student, exam is the magic weapon of every teacher" is a misleading doctrine, I looked suspiciously into her eyes.

“Of course, it means everything! With good grades, you will be admitted by an Ivy League university. Having graduated from it, you are bound to be employed by a large business company, and then you will rise rapidly and reach the apex of your life.” Mary uttered these words with extravagant gestures.

“Your mother told you, eh? You need to accept her words with some discount. As a means to some end, adults tend to cheat kids.” I sat still in my chair like a philosopher. “Have you ever had second thoughts about the fact that all adults combined to weave a giant lie against us?”

“Are you crazy? Instead of challenging them, you ought to obey their words. Every word they said is for our own goods. We are their flesh and blood, and they are impossible to hurt us.” She took a sip of coffee and explained to me with these sincere words.

“My father is just that person exposing their lies. He told me creativity and imagination matter more than points, one can't success without it. You are wrong, everybody else is wrong. Heroes on test papers in China are a dime a dozen, yet scarcely any of them can be successful enough to get Nobel Prize, why? Because point is a piece of shit! Grades have nothing to do with success!” I contended eloquently.

“Perhaps your father is right. Forget my words!” Mary took out her smart phone and never spoke a single word to me again.

上幼儿园的那阵子，有很多男生带着他们的玩具来我家找我玩、很多女生带着她们的零食来给我吃，但是自从升入小学、依据成绩划分出不同的“阶级”之后，我就成了一个社会的弃儿，可玛丽却是个例外，她从不因为我差劲的学校表现而对我敬而远之，只是她感到奇怪的是既然每次撞见我，我不是在去补习班的路上，就是从补习班回来，可为什么我的成绩就是不见好呢？

“你一定是发挥失常了，调整好自己并在下一轮扳回来！我对你有信心！”玛丽将我领进星巴克，点了一杯咖啡并鼓励我说。

“分数真的很重要吗？”被灌输了“分分分学生的命根、考考考老师的法宝”是一个错误教条的我狐疑地看着她的眼睛。

“当然，分数就是一切！只要考高分你就能进常春藤名校，毕业后你就能受雇于大公司，之后你就能平步青云、达到你人生的巅峰。”玛丽手舞足蹈地比划道。

“你妈妈教你的，是吧？你也从未怀疑过她讲的话？大人们为了达到某种目的，总是会欺骗孩子。”我像个哲学家一样一动不动地坐在我的位置上，“难道你就从未怀疑过所有大人合在一起编织着一个巨大的谎言？”

“你疯了吧？你应该听他们的话，而不是怀疑他们，他们说的每一句话都是为我们好，我们是他们的骨肉，他们不可能伤害我们。”她抿了一小口咖啡，语重心长地向我解释。

“我爸爸就是那个揭穿谎言的人，他告诉我创造力和想象力比分数更重要，一个人要想成功少不了这些，你错了，所有人都错了，在中国，试卷上的英雄不在少数，但是他们中间几乎没有人能成功到揽获诺贝尔奖，为什么？因为分数是狗屁！成绩跟成功一毛钱关系都没有！” 我义正言辞地申辩道。

“或许你爸爸是对的，当我没说！”玛丽掏出她的手机，再没跟我说过一句话。

Maybe out of his professional instinct, the head teacher Simon had a sense that I would be knocked out if I went on like this, and for this reason my father was called to his office for a long conversation.

“Hello, Mr. Hans. Please sit down. Have you seen the test paper of your son?” He greeted my father politely and got straight to the point.

“Of course, I saw.” Hans answered in a gentle tone. “Is anything wrong?”

“He made a terrible mess of the examination and was supposed to be the bottom of all students. At this rate, it is a question whether he can stay in the class and keep up with teachers, let alone to be admitted by a key high school and enter the university.” Simon replaced his beginning politeness with a serious, cold voice.

“My boy had done his best. Perhaps he is not cut out for it.” Hans explained. “He learnt a great deal and did a lot of work over the past year. He made a radio with limited knowledge, gathered the specimens of flowers and insects and examined each one's habit and instinct carefully, wrote a paper concerning air pollution and human condition……”

“Ok, Ok, instead of doing all these boring things, your son should take examination as a prime concern, and take the entrance examination of university as the baton of his life!” Simon interrupted and warned him with a peremptory tone.

“They are not boring things, for me examination is exactly one, it is rather a means to check knowledge than an aim. Point is not the unique standard to measure a student. How can you say he is not worth a cent as long as he gets poor marks?” Hans took advantage of his understanding of education to justify himself.

“I'm not asking you into an empty talk here. All I know is that if your boy always gets poor marks, the only way prepared for him is to enter a vocational school. Then he will get a bleak future and when he is grown up, he must sell 3 times of his labor power to get only a third payment of an ordinary man. Do you want your son down and out?” Simon depicted a serious picture to my father, the aim was to make him see the significance of point.

“My son is a child prodigy. He will give a surprise to the public. I have my way to educate him. I won't let him be consumed by examination. Even something wrong happened, my son is not the person to be blamed.” By no means succumbed to Simon's power, my father replied defiantly.

“Child prodigy? Come on, open your eyes, I've never heard a child prodigy as excellent as yours! The last one! If there has been any genius among the imbeciles, your son is really one.” Simon injured my pride with biting sarcasm. On hearing these words, I blushed and bowed my head, and ruminated over the question whether I was definitely an imbecile.

“With no more than primary school education, Faraday laid a solid foundation for electromagnetics; Edison had never entered school, whereas he initiated the second industrial revolution.” Hans enumerated a few examples to support his argument.

“Ok, ok, let's wait and see how your boy becomes Faraday and Edison!” In this way the talk concluded and Simon and Hans broke up in discord.

或许是出于职业嗅觉，班主任西蒙预感到如果我继续这样下去肯定会被淘汰出局，因此把我的父亲召进办公室做了一次长谈。

“汉斯先生你好，请坐，你看了你儿子的试卷吗？”他礼貌地招呼着爸爸并开门见山地说。

“是的，我看了。”汉斯语带语气平和地回答，“有什么问题吗？”

“他这次考得一团糟，他应该是全班倒数第一了吧，如果这样下去，他继续呆在这个班跟上老师的进度都成问题，更别说直升重点高中和考大学了。”西蒙一改刚开始的礼貌，用严肃和冷淡的口吻说道。

“我家孩子已经尽力了，或许他天生就不适合考试。”汉斯解释道，“这一年来他学了很多，也做了很多事，他利用有限的知识装了一个收音机，采集了花草昆虫的标本并认真研究了其中每一个的习性，还写了一篇关于污染与人类环境的论文……”

“好吧，好吧，你儿子应该把考试放在首位，将高考当作自己人生的指挥棒，而不是去做那些无聊的事情！”西蒙打断他的话，语气强硬地警告他说。

“那些不是无聊的事情，对我来说考试才是呢，它仅仅是检验知识的一种手段，而不是目的，分数不是衡量一个学生的唯一标准，难道你能说就因为他的成绩差，他就一文不值吗？”汉斯利用他对教育的理解为自己辩护道。

“我不是把你喊来谈这些无聊话题的，我只知道如果你儿子总是这么差，他可供选择的只有进职校这条路，此后他的前途一片黯淡，长大后他必须出卖三倍的劳动力才能换取一个普通人三分之一的报酬，你想眼睁睁地看着你的儿子落魄潦倒吗？”西蒙把事情说得很严重，其目的就是为了让他意识到分数的重要性。

“我的儿子是个神童，他会一鸣惊人的，我有我的方式教他，我不会让他为考试所累的，即便出了问题也不是我儿子的错。”爸爸并没有屈从于西蒙的淫威，语带挑衅地回答说。

“神童？醒醒吧，我从来没见过有一个神童如你家孩子这般了得！成绩垫底！如果说在低能儿的群体当中有神童，你家的孩子的确算是一个。”西蒙用尖刻的话语刺伤了我的自尊心，听了这些话，我脸红地低下了头，反复思考自己是否真是一个笨蛋。

“法拉第仅仅是小学文化，但他却奠定了电磁学的基础；爱迪生没上过一天学，却发动了第二次工业革命。”汉斯举了几个例子来佐证他的论点。

“好吧，好吧，我们就等着看你孩子是法拉第还是爱迪生！”就这样，谈话以西蒙和汉斯不欢而散告终。

Rumors circled around before the next day came. As if Simon took Hans' oratory as a joke and reported it to everyone else, next day morning when I entered the classroom again, I found all of my classmates sized me up with curious eyes. At first, I dismissed it for some trivial reasons such as "I was late for school" or "I just changed my hairstyle", but soon I realized it's not that simple. As I passed by a mischievous boy, he made a face and chuckled to his deskmate, "Look, our genius is coming! This is the future Edison!" As soon as he finished these words, a roar of laughter made by the whole class and I immediately recognized the fact that my father's stubbornness had made me an object of ridicule among my fellow students. Since that time, I was not the same Peter before, but a boy spat on by every sensible human being, a lunatic. Even if sometimes "the sun rose in the west" and the precious few accepted me as one of them out of pity, I had an acute feeling that they had a bias against me: they were normal ones and I was not one of them.

谣言在第二天就传遍了全校，好像西蒙将汉斯的雄辩言辞当作笑话告诉了每个人一样，第二天早上当我再次走进教室，我发现所有同学都用奇怪的眼神打量着我，刚开始我以为是诸如自己迟到或是刚刚换了个发型之类的小问题而不予考虑，但是我很快意识到事情没那么简单，当我经过一个调皮的孩子身旁时，他做了个鬼脸大笑着对同桌说：“瞧，我们的天才来了！这位是未来的爱迪生！”他话音刚落全班同学都哄笑了起来，我瞬间意识到爸爸的固执己见让我成了所有人的笑柄，从那时起，我不再是从前那个彼得了，我成了一个只要有正常思维能力的人都唾弃不已的人、一个神经病，即便有时候“太阳从西边出”，他们中的极少数出于同情接纳我为他们中的一份子，我也会敏锐地感觉到他们对我抱有偏见：他们是正常人而我却不是他们的同类。

One day when I passed by the W.C., I heard a voice said "he is as silly as a goose. His father signed up a good many of tutorial classes for him. His mother spent all she had to buy him a bright future. Finally, it is like drawing water with a sieve. His grade is there and how could he get a place at university? He is still under the illusion that he is a genius, yet in fact the only way prepared for him is to be a scavenger or a bricklayer." "Yes, yes, it makes sense. We'd better give him a wide berth." Another one echoed. For a moment I was irritated enough to teach each of them a lesson. I dashed into the W.C., bombarded the first boy with the question "Who are you talking about? What makes you think he is 'as silly as a goose'" Panic seized him when he saw me, he could not but spluttered "I... I... I was talking one of my friends, don't get me wrong." "Who is he? What is his name?" I pursued. The boy was extremely embarrassed by my question and the other one was tongue-tied as well. Just then the ringing bell broke the deadlock, it acted as an excuse for them. Only with the words that "they have to go back to attend class" had the two boys got rid of my interrogation. Although they may restrain themselves if I knock their block off, but can I knock everyone's block off if each of them speaks ill of me?

一天当我路过厕所，我听见一个声音在说“他这方面不开窍，他爸爸为他报了N多个辅导班，他妈妈花光了积蓄就为他能有个好前途，可最后不过是竹篮打水一场空，他成绩就摆在那里，他怎么可能考上大学？他还幻想着自己是天才，其实他这种人能做个拾破烂的、建筑工地上搬砖的就不错了。”“是的，是的，你言之有理，我们最好离这种人远一点。”另外一位同学附和道。一瞬间我就感觉自己愤怒得想要狠狠教训他们一顿，我冲进厕所，劈口就问第一个男孩“你在说谁？你凭什么说他不开窍？”男孩看见我惊慌失措，语无伦次地说“我...我...我在说自己的一个朋友，别误会。”“他是谁？叫什么名字？”我追问道，男孩被我问得极为尴尬，另一位也张口结舌不知道该说什么好，恰好此时上课铃声打破了僵局，也为他俩找到了借口，两个人以“他们必须回去上课”为由才躲开了我的质问。尽管如果我扁他们一顿他们会收敛一些，但是如果每个人都在诋毁我，我能把每个人都扁一顿吗？

Another day in the dining hall, I happened to collide with a fatty boy and trod on his toes. Notwithstanding my apology, he was unwilling to let me go. We called one another's rude names and exchange of cursing soon escalated into exchange of blows. As I was less tall and robust than him, I was gradually on the lower hand no more than 2 or 3 minutes. He threw me to the ground, rode on me and beat me severely with the words "Oh, genius, I will beat the pants out of you! You are a genius, show your gift before us! It is a favorite thing for me to find fault with a genius!" What is disappointing to me is that instead of someone standing out to mediate between us, everybody took delight in my misfortune. When the fatty lad had run out of his strength and got up from me, no one uttered one comforting word to me or gave him a bit of criticism. In desperation, I began to realize as a social outcast, I no longer had the support of public opinion and everyone could bully me if he likes.

另一天在食堂，我不小心撞上了一个胖男孩并踩到了他的脚，尽管我道歉了，他就是不肯放过我，我们互相之间的对骂很快就升级成了对打，鉴于我比他矮、没他那么孔武有力，两三分钟之内我就占了下风，他把我摔在地上，骑在我身上一边狠狠地揍我一边念念有词：“天才，我要打的你满地找牙！你是个天才，让我们看看你的天赋！我就喜欢找天才的茬！”令我寒心的是周围的所有人不仅没有站出来拉架，反而所有人都幸灾乐祸，当那个胖子用尽了力气后从我身上起来的时候，没有一个人对我说过一句安慰的话，或是对他有半点苛责，在绝望中，我开始意识到作为一个社会的弃儿，我失去了舆论的支持，所有人随时都可以欺负我。

When I returned home with a dirty look, I shut myself in the room and burst into tears. I was not a bad boy and never did anything wrong, why did everyone look down upon me? Why there was no one to become a companion and utter a single sympathetic word to me? Why wasn't I worth a cent in their eyes? Why was grade overwhelmingly important? Why God sent me to such a distorted environment? Why? Why? Why? I took out my favorite book The Secrets of The Universe, wished to tear it apart and broke myself off forever from scientific study. I asked myself over and over again: is there any need in it? What kind of genius am I? Have I been fooling myself? My crying soon attracted Linda's attention outside. As if had a power to read my mind, she pushed open the door and put a book titled the footsteps of great men on my desk, talked mildly into my case: "You needn't to be so upset. It's not your fault that you can't integrate into your surroundings. Everyone around you is mediocre. As an old Chinese saying goes: 'If you lie down with dogs, you will get up with fleas', when people accept you as one of them, you must be as mediocre as they imagined. As if you are an alien, people around you have nothing in common with you and have no idea how to accept you as one of them. So, open the book, make friends with those giants and you will be one of them! Never mind how people treat you. You will make a difference."

当我蓬头垢面地回到家里，我把自己关在房间大哭了一场，我不是坏孩子也从未做过坏事，可为什么所有人都看不起我？为什么没人愿意成为我的朋友说一句同情我的话？为什么我在所有人眼里一文不值？为什么分数能压倒一切？为什么上帝把我派到这个扭曲畸形的环境当中？为什么？为什么？为什么？我拿起自己最爱的《宇宙的奥秘》，恨不得把它撕个粉碎，从今往后再也不搞科学研究，我一遍又一遍地问自己：还有必要吗？我算是什么狗屁天才？难道我一直在骗自己吗？我的哭声很快引起了门外琳达的注意，似乎她有读懂我心灵的能力，她轻轻推开门将一本名为《伟大的足迹》的书放在桌上，温和地对我说：“你不必如此沮丧，不能融入周围的环境不是你的错，你周围的所有人都很平庸，正如古话说得好：‘近朱者赤近墨者黑’，如果所有人接纳你为他们中的一员，你必定如他们想象中的那般平庸，就好比你是一个外星人，你身边的人跟你没有任何相似之处因而也不知道如何接纳你为他们中的一员。所以翻开书吧，跟伟人做朋友你也会成为一个伟人！别在意周围人怎么看你，你会改变世界的。”

【未完待续】

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